I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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