i just google imaged poop.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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