would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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