32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
