There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
