Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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