i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
