So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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