someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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