we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
two words: eviction party
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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