We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
