I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
