Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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