Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
