i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
