I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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