all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
