If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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