its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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