You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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