i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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