Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
