***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I look better un-naked...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
