Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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