like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
