I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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