Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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