laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
