your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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