I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
