how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
