you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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