I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
