the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
