so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
