I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
