My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
