Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
