Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
