I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
