Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
