I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
