He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
tell me about the eggs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
