dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
