I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
