I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
