everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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