There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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