i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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