Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My friends, they love my intelligence
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
