Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
