yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
