I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
