There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
