he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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