He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
