My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
