I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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