Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
