As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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