did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
