I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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