I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
