In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
dude. I can hear the air.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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