You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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