True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
