I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
