god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
