Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
