Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just google imaged poop.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
