just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Less talking, more tequila
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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