Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
