If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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